


taelsey sexy time

by soroeris



Category: Halsey (Musician), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Farting, Multi, crack porn, crack smut fic, crackfic, fart kink, gucci is mad tasty yall are srsly missing out, i am their baby i eat gucci along with them for every meal, just a whole load of kinks, shovels, taehyung and halsey are my gucci parents, taelsey, they eat gucci for breakfast lunch and dinner, this is as crack as it gets, this is plain PORN, very straightforward, yall better not come into this looking for sum philosophical smut, yes kinky time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 17:43:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18815860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soroeris/pseuds/soroeris
Summary: halsey and taehyung finally confront the suffocating sexual tension they've felt ever since they first met.they do so.. but backstage. at an award show.





	taelsey sexy time

*backstage at sum award show*

halsey: suck my dick  
tae: no u suck MY dick  
halsey: my strap is bigger than urs therefore i deserve period  
tae: so is your mouth so put it to use for once  
halsey: okay fine bitch *starts sucking weenie*  
tae: can u go a bit faster i have an award to present smh  
halsey: how u gon present the award after i’ve sucked u dry  
tae: like i do after every concert  
tae:  
halsey:  
tae: with pride

*TWO MOMENTS LATER*  
halsey, face full of cum: yum  
tae: how’d u like that u slut  
halsey: much better if it was in my ass  
tae: aint u asking for too much rn getcho head out ur ass  
halsey: easy for u to say when u dont have one bitch 

tae: yeah that’s why i got u to make up for it *spanks her ass with his golden gucci flip flop and watches intently as it jiggles generously*  
halsey: *moans* YES DADDy GET THAT GUCCI IN ME  
tae: it’s too expensive for that slut  
halsey: im gonna buy another one for u if u do me good tonight now shut up and put that godly gucci inside me rn  
tae: ill do u better than dionysus did his stick u whore  
halsey: i wont believe u till u spend me like the whore i am  
halsey: now stop talking my ass is gaping wide open for u  
tae: oh yeah?  
halsey: yeS pleASE *whining*  
tae: *moaning* get the lUbE u liL biTcH  
halsey: i aint no weak bitch i can take it  
halsey:  
halsey: actually why dont u eat my ass first and get me good n ready  
tae: thats what u said last time but look who ended up with butter in her ass  
halsey: how would u know that huh  
halsey: have u been watching my sex tapes  
tae: stop talking and start bowing so i can eat your peachy ass *smacks ass again*  
halsey: okay daddy  
halsey: *strips and bows down lifting her perky ass up in full view for taehyung*  
tae: just like that baby *goes on his knees and sticks his tongue in*  
halsey: YES VORE ME UP DADDY MMHMHMHMMMMMMmmMMMMMm  
tae: OH YEAH?? IMMA FIND UR LITTLE SWEET SPOT  
halsey: dont talk while eating me out it tickles im gonna fart  
tae: ill pee in you before u cum  
halsey: *farts*  
halsey: i told u  
tae: bitch  
tae: *groans as he cums at the scent of her fart*  
halsey: bitch get a new kink  
tae: find a shovel and ill show u  
halsey: oh?? fr?  
tae: yeah  
halsey: aight im sure i can find one around here

*DOOR OPENS*

jungkook: tae did u take my fucking shovel again u fucking hoe  
jungkook:  
tae:  
halsey:  
jungkook:  
tae: *in the middle of shoving jungkook’s shovel up halsey’s ass* hey you know im gay for u but i couldn’t refuse the chance to try this out  
jungkook: its fine bro jimin is waiting for me anyways it’s okay  
halsey: *whimpering like an omega in heat*  
tae: right i got a job to finish up here so .. if u dont mind  
jungkook:  
jungkook: can i watch  
tae:  
halsey:  
tae: yeah sure only if u let me suck jimin off later no homo bro he’s just rlly damn hot  
halsey: can i jo-  
tae and jungkook: nO  
halsey: yall are rude how dare u refuse my mighty offer of pussy  
tae:  
jungkook:  
jimin in the other room:  
bang pd:  
liskook shippers:  
ariana grande:  
tom holland:  
every ao3 ABO author:  
earth:  
tae: yall hear sumn  
namjoon: no  
seokjin: gay  
yoongi: nah that aint it 

tae jungkook and halsey: where yall rats come from  
everyone: the closet duh  
madonna:  
liskook shippers:  
tom holland: anyways  
seokjin: gay rights!  
halsey: aight since yall wont appreciate a good show imma end it  
halsey: *whips shovel out her ass and stabs taehyung with it*  
tae: hdskjdkfhejb  
madonna: bruh  
barack obama: *calls for an ambulance* hurry we boutta lose sum good dic  
jimin: this how yall be living smh *grabs jungkook by his rabbit hybrid tail* JUNGKOOK WE LEAVING  
jungkook, blushing furiously: w-wait let me get our toy hehe  
jungkook: hey halsey *giggles like a shy anime girl* c-can i have my shovel back pls uwu  
halsey: no  
jungkook: ..w-what do u mean no >:(  
halsey: yall gonna fuck with this stick that’s got his blood all over it??  
jimin: aint something new am i right  
EVERYONE:  
EVERYONE: HUH  
jungkook: *nods*  
meghan markle: calls for child protection services  
meghan markle: get my archie out of this planet  
namjoon: im quitting this job  
yoongi: lmao this wild  
taehyung, out of breath: yall think im dying bc she stabbed me.. have u ever smelled halsey’s fart.. *dies*  
jungkook:...does that mean i can get my shovel back uwu  
shovel: implodes and everyone dies

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> co-written with my best bub mia i love u  
> we love taelsey it's our otp <333


End file.
